I woke up painfully tired, but once my morning coffee kicked in I felt ready for Monday.
Hubster and me decided on leaving the washing up and tidying to be done this morning so we could get an earlier night. This meant I spent Monday morning in a cleaning tornado which was interspersed with playing with Munchkin until she had her morning nap. Whilst she was asleep I concentrated on writing which gave me a huge sense of achievement. In my blog intro I mentioned how depression and anxiety are part of my life. In fact only a few days before starting this blog I was feeling pretty low. It will be interesting to see how I’ll write when I become depressed or anxious, or if I’ll even be able to. In part I’ve started this blog to see if it will help me to manage my symptoms, a new approach for me. My pregnancy last year brought a new dimension to my depression and brought some very painful things to the surface. I plan to write specific blog posts on my experience with depression.
They say to write well you need to read a lot so I have bought the following books. I’ve purchased “Living with a Black Dog” to help educate those close to me on depression. The tag line “how to take care of someone with depression while looking after yourself” says it all. It’ll be the first time that I will use a tool to reach out to them and I’m eager to see their reactions. I’m very excited about reading “Sane New World” by Ruby Wax. I’ve been a big fan of her since her crazy interviews in the 90’s. When I first read that she suffered from mental health issues I stopped feeling so alone with my depression. I watched an interview with Matt Haig, the author of “Reasons to Stay Alive”. He sounded like he had cut through the complexity of his mental health issues to create clear strategies to help others, and if Stephen Fry highly recommends it then I know it’ll be worth a read. I’m fascinated with how the brain works, it’s clearly not a simple choice of thinking yourself out of a bad state of mind in the same way you can’t think a cancerous tumour away! I look forward to seeing what I’ll take away from these books.
Monday is baby yoga day with my friend and her NCT group. I was living in Camden for the past two years so was part of a NCT group there, but late in to my pregnancy our neighbours started a huge construction project on their property. The breaking point came when I was woken one morning by drilling literally behind our headboard, we ended up pretty much living in a building site. At 8 months pregnant I was viewing properties and meeting with mortgage lenders. It all worked out for the best thankfully and our mortgage repayments are £750 less than the rent we were paying in Camden! I’ll definitely be writing a blog on on how to buy a property and keep calm whilst your 8 months pregnant.
For the past two baby yoga classes I’ve pretty much just held Baby Girl and watched everyone else practice yoga as she’s been too fidgety or grumpy, but today I was able to do half of the 1hr 40 min class until Munchkin was hungry and the she napped on me. Even if you don’t get to participate much it’s a great atmosphere and nice to be doing something where it doesn’t matter if your baby cries. It was then off to the local pub for coffee and a chat which is usually all about how our babies are sleeping!
I left the pub and headed off towards the bus stop with a sleeping Munchkin in her pushchair when I started to feel really out of it, I then realised I had left it too long between meals. Note to self, must keep snacks in the baby bag for me! During the bus journey I had a chat with Dad on the phone. He has recently undergone radiotherapy for a benign tumour and has been anaemic for such a long time. He has had so many tests but nothing has come back to explain his aneamia. It’s interesting for me to now hear my Dad say that he is getting depressed due to his bad health, as when I first started to try and talk to him about my depression I was told it was a choice about how you think.
I got off the bus early and dove into Waitrose for a snack. I got lucky and found a sweet chilli chicken wrap reduced to 99p, love it when that happens. Once home I settled Munchkin for the night. Hubster arrived home and cooked dinner. I used dinner as a time to introduce him to “Living with a Black Dog”. He had a flick through and then thanked me for getting it. I have come to accept that it’s hard for those who haven’t experienced mental health issues to go out of their way to educate themselves on it, so the responsibility can end up falling on the shoulders of the sufferers. I have learnt to use the time that I’m well to talk about my depression and anxiety, as it’s easier for me to handle anything uncomfortable or difficult that comes up. By doing this I hope I am securing a stronger safety net for when I’m ill.